i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
