Taylor Swift is so right about you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
