Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't turn off my feet"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
