Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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