Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
