Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You don't make any sense
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