i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
