Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
