I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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