I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
