I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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