i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
