My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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