my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize