in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
