I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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