she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
