Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
