Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
