this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
