i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
