can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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