i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize