TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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