i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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