4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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