I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
