There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
