just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
