Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
