In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
