If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
