At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
