my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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