There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
