I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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