Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
