Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
