This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
