Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
