Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
