Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
