I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
