Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
