there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
