I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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