that's an acceptable place to lick
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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