hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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