he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
soo... how was my night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
