I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize