I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize