You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
