im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
