Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
