Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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