I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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