Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize