Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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