using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
