i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
