I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
