What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
