Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
