you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
