Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
