yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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