You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
