You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
