She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
