I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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