Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
