Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
